INTERACTUANDO CON LOS HIJOS ADULTOS:

Por: Daniel H. King, Sr.

Cuando los hijos dejan el hogar, los padres enfrentan nuevos retos. ¿Cuándo ofrecer consejos? Y ¿Cuándo deberían callar? ¿Cómo pueden los padres piadosos apoyar a sus hijos adultos?
Mientras los hijos son jóvenes, es relativamente fácil darles consejos y enderezarlos en la dirección correcta. Son más controlables y generalmente escuchan el consejo de sus padres. Eso no significa que siempre siguen los consejos que se les dan o que tengan en mente lo que les decimos, porque hay otras personas también influenciándolos, especialmente sus amigos. Durante este tiempo de sus vidas, ellos respetan a sus padres y mantienen cierta reverencia que quizás no sientan después. Aun así, el impacto negativo de sus amigos podría sobrepasar las habilidades aun de los mejores padres.
En cuanto a esto, el escritor de los proverbios anima repetidamente a su audiencia a escuchar y recordar sus sabias palabras de consejo: “Oye, hijo mío, la instrucción de tu padre, Y no desprecies la dirección de tu madre;” (Prov 1:8,9; 2:1; 3:1; 4:1, 10, 20; 5:1, 7; etc.).
Incluso en los proverbios, el autor insiste repetidamente en que el hijo debe escuchar la sabia instrucción de sus padres. Los jóvenes tienden a ser rebeldes y rechazar los deseos de los padres, incluso aunque sea por su bien. El adolescente “cabeza dura” es lo que más se espera ver hoy en día. No siempre fue así, pero una vez más, la influencia del mundo moderno, especialmente las películas y la música, los empujan en esa dirección. Estos son los vientos en contra que los padres deben aprender a luchar. Los padres temerosos de Dios esperan que con una disciplina cuidadosa y una instrucción amorosa hacia sus hijos eventualmente verán que la rebelión de sus hijos se ha ido.
La instrucción religiosa, guianza parental y atender consistentemente las reuniones de la iglesia son un factor clave en asegurar un resultado satisfactorio. La consistencia de parte del papá y la mamá no puede ser minimizada en términos de importancia. En contraste, los padres que permiten que los eventos deportivos tomen prioridad sobre la adoración, y permiten que sus hijos participen en tales actividades como bailes y fiestas tarde en la noche, bebidas y drogas, están simplemente buscando problemas ellos mismos. Los hijos se equivocan, pero los papas y mamas que permiten que participen en estas cosas solo están estableciendo una etapa de cosas peores por venir.
¿Qué hay sobre la pregunta de interactuar con los hijos adultos? Después que han dejado el hogar y han empezado su propia familia, ¿Cómo debemos responder en situaciones donde un buen consejo es necesario? ¿Deberíamos darlo libremente o retenerlo? Por supuesto, como hemos disfrutado previamente una posición de autoridad sobre ellos como sus padres, si no somos cuidadosos, responderemos demasiado rápido a la aparente “necesidad” de nuestro consejo y envenenar nuestra relación con ellos. Una nuera o un yerno pueden resentir el hecho de interferir en sus decisiones familiares.
Las respuestas a algunas preguntas no siempre son fáciles de dar. Debemos pensar mucho en estas situaciones y ser reticentes de dar nuestro consejo sin haber sido pedido. Mucho cuidado y oración debe ser extendido antes de tener mucho que decir. A veces es mejor no decir nada. Por otro lado, hay ocasiones en que padres cristianos amorosos no pueden quedarse callados. Estaría mal no decir nada. La inacción de Eli hacia sus hijos adultos es un perfecto ejemplo de un padre que estaba en posición de detener las cosas malas que hacían sus hijos adultos. El hablo (1 Sam 2:22-25), pero no hizo nada para detener su maldad (1 Sam 3:13-14), y por ultimo Dios lo hizo responsable por su pasividad con ellos.
Como padre de hijos cristianos fieles, déjeme sugerirle algunos de los principios en que mi esposa y yo hemos tratado de mantener en mente mientras lidiamos con ellos. Ambos de nuestros hijos están felizmente casados y tienen sus propios hijos.
1. Cuando los hijos adultos piden consejo, diles lo que piensas.
Ellos están pidiendo tus consejos porque quieren saber cómo lidiarías tú con una situación en particular. Todos recordamos que tan atemorizante es ser joven. Muchos problemas que nos retan parecieran ser insuperables y sin solución. Aun así, solo nos parecía así por nuestra inexperiencia. Un padre que no aconseja sabiamente a su hijo en busca de consejo está cometiendo un gran error. Es un gran cumplido para un padre que su hijo lo busque para buscar ayuda al lidiar con un problema. Obviamente, ellos respetan su sabiduría. Demos un consejo con advertencias adecuadas.
2. No de consejos cuando no han sido pedidos.
Hay ocasiones en donde podemos ver que nuestros hijos no están tomando las mejores decisiones, según nuestro modo de pensar. Sin embargo, no necesariamente significa que nosotros tenemos la razón y que ellos están equivocados. Quizás tengan la razón, quizás no. Ahora que son adultos, deben aprender a tomar sus propias decisiones; y vivir con las decisiones que han tomado. A menos que sea algo que pueda acarrear consecuencias trágicas, lo mejor que podemos hacer es guardarnos nuestros comentarios. Respete los límites personales y familiares de sus hijos adultos.
3. No te entremetas en sus problemas. En muchos casos, es mejor permitir que cometan unos cuantos errores por sí mismos.
Si te metes, se sentirán resentidos contigo. Los problemas espirituales son diferentes. No podemos sentarnos ociosamente mientras nuestros hijos toman decisiones morales y éticas que pudieran guiarlos a la perdición de su alma. No deberían ser tratados diferentes que cualquier otro pecador que cae en tentación o transgresión. Deben ser confrontados amorosamente (Gal 6:1). He visto a muchos padres dejar que sus hijos tomen terribles decisiones en su vida espiritual, sin siquiera murmurar una palabra de advertencia, por el miedo de ser vistos como entrometidos. Entremeterse es un error, pero hacer volver al pecador de su error nunca es considerado intromisión (Sant 5:19-20). Este tipo de silencio cuando se enfrenta el peligro nunca es bueno, así que nunca debería suceder. ¿Les permitiríamos manejar hacia el acantilado sin siquiera gritar una advertencia?
4. No trate de “arreglar” los problemas que ellos mismos causan.
Puede haber excepciones, pero como regla general, no es una buena idea “venir al rescate” cada vez que caen en algunas circunstancias desagradables. Todos nosotros hemos visto a hijos meterse en deudas una y otra vez porque sus amables pero irresponsables padres les dan dinero para que salden la deuda repetidamente. Deje que sus hijos aprendan a tener los pies sobre la tierra. Deje que paguen sus propias deudas y resuelvan sus propios problemas. Deje que ellos mismos salgan de situaciones y circunstancias que ellos mismos crearon. Una o dos malas situaciones de ese tipo los convencerá de no cometer el mismo error. Hay lecciones de vida que necesitan aprender. Permite a tus hijos adultos aprenderlas. Si persistes en rescatarlos de cada infortunada situación, les estas enseñando a tomar decisiones arriesgadas sin tener miedo de las consecuencias de sus acciones. Hay algunas cosas que incluso los padres con mucho dinero no pueden hacer para ayudarlos. Es mejor que sufran una pequeña cantidad de dolor ahora a que sufran un gran dolor después.
5. Trate de ser comprensivo y animarlos.
Esto no es siempre fácil, pero si importante. Todos recordamos que tan difícil fue lidiar con nuestros problemas cuando éramos jóvenes, estuviéramos casados o no. Necesitábamos ánimos muchas veces. Todos lo necesitamos. Ofrecer ánimo es un acto de amor y demuestra que te importa. Muestra que te preocupas por ellos mientras encuentran un lugar en el mundo. “solo recuerda que te amamos y que estamos orando por ti”, están son palabras que todos deseamos oír en alguna etapa de nuestra vida. Ciertamente, los jóvenes quieren oírla también, incluso si ya son mayores y tienen su propia familia.
6. Cuéntales historias.
Cuando son pequeños, cuéntales historias de grandes personajes de la Biblia. Cuando ya son mayores, cuéntales sobre su historia familiar. Necesitan saber “de donde provienen”. Necesitan escuchar sobre las dificultades y tribulaciones, los éxitos y fracasos de sus antepasados. No hay duda de que Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, y luego los 12 patriarcas de Israel, pasaron por su historia familiar, cada uno en su turno. Necesitamos decirles a nuestros hijos que apaguen sus teléfonos para que escuchen sobre su herencia, “quienes son” y de “donde vienen”. Las tradiciones familiares y la historia familiar son importantes. Pregunta a tus abuelos contar sus historias antes de que se vayan y sus voces sean silenciadas. Hay muchas lecciones invaluables para aprender: “Porque largura de días y años de vida Y paz te aumentarán.” (Prov 3:2).
7. Ora por ellos diariamente.
Yo oro por mis hijos cada día. Si ellos tienen un problema en particular con el que están lidiando, y yo lo sé, lo llevo ante el Señor y pido a su favor por Su ayuda. Job hizo esto por sus hijos (Job 1:5). Todos debemos orar persistentemente por nuestros hijos. Si los amamos genuinamente, lo haremos. Nada más de lo que hagamos por ellos por su bien cuando son adultos es más importante que esto. Si realmente creemos en la eficacia de la oración, “La oración eficaz del justo puede mucho.” (Sant 5:16), entonces oraremos continuamente por su bien espiritual y llevar ante el trono de la gracia de Dios cualquier otra preocupación que nosotros tengamos también.

Traducido por: Eula Vasquez.

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